The things they don’t tell you when you sign up to be a writer

There are several things that happen when you are a writer with  a deadline as opposed to a writer who is pre-published. Things which you do not expect – at least in my case. No doubt there are many wise and organised authors who had expected these phenomena and adjusted their lives accordingly. I wish I was one of them.

In my case these include:

* A Non-Einstein-ian contraction of the space time continuum.

As in – Oh *expletive* !  What do you mean it’s the middle of October already? What happened to September? How did I miss it?

As in –Oh. I can get that done WELL BEFORE the Christmas season. Like cocoa I can.

This is deeply concerning to a scientist type who would prefer time to remain stable. OHHH NOOO.

When you tell someone that you will deliver by date X, that date is so far away as to be a dot on the horizon. Next thing you know it is zooming towards you at warp factor ten firing photon torpedoes.

* Writer’s grunge becomes normal day wear. Carpet slippers or flip flop shoes are essential.  I now love elastic waist trousers and baggy T-shirts. Which leads to:

* Writer’s girth. No gym plus occasional outings to lovely eateries and food events plus the need for carbs on an hourly basis = well, it is not for the faint hearted.  My liver is jelly. And now, of course, it is starting to feel colder so gallons of hot coffee and tea are on the list.

On the plus side:

* I am starting to love my characters and I really enjoyed writing the story proposal. Yes, I had done a lot of background work and outlined the scenes, but the writing is going to be terrific fun.

* I have discovered that no matter how many hours I sit staring at the blank screen/paper my NET output each day remains remarkably consistent. Note the word NET. I will end up with a monster file of deleted text, but the daily wordcount of  words that I am happy with, rather than GROSS words written, has remained quite consistent. Fascinating. But it does mean that I know what to expect/ planning.

*TV? Social life? What’s that?


For me, writing a novel is like going to stay at someone else’s home for a month/six months/whatever, and sharing their lives. Then you come home and do the laundry and take off to stay with another couple.

My next book is not due until at the end of DECEMBER. DECEMBER?? I hear you say. That’s only weeks away! Have you been sniffing the brandy butter again?

I am in the mindset. I know what I want to write about. So time to make a full on assault and work not stop until I have defeated procrastination and other evils.

Wish me luck!


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